Sunday, June 29, 2008

I live for those brief moments where I'm not afraid of every human being on the planet

It's true. Which mostly means when I'm on stage playing, I dunno how obvious it is that the rest of the time other people terrify me, but ya know, the whole band thing is just about all I got going for me at the moment.

But before I get all depressed let's not forget that there are some few people that most of the time are exceptions to the rule, I'd really like to thank all my close friends (who I for some reason can feel normal around) for existing, and all those other people who in the past have been like that too, even if things got weird with us at some point - it still rules that there were times where I was actually comfortable in your presence.

I wish I could work out how to feel the way I do performing the rest of the time, because quite frankly I often hate how I am - avoiding people's eyes on the street to pretend I don't see them so I don't have to say hello first.. sometimes secretly hoping they don't notice me so they don't realise that I was trying to pretend I didn't see them in the first place... and this isn't people I dislike, I mean they're people I'd love to talk to if I didn't feel so awkward. Guess I can barely explain it.

Beer is the best medicine, this is why so many people think I'm an alcoholic - if I drink everyday I forget I'm scared of social contact for a while ;)

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